Merchandise
by THE Elvenking
Summary: The Review Guy's other idea.


Wait... That's Me?  
  
I don't own Calvin and Hobbes, the idea is the Review Guy's  
  
Chapter One- It's Hip!  
  
"That's right! Come see Sergeant Pepper..."  
  
~Click~  
  
"So, please, come to Mr. Kite's Benefit..."  
  
~Click~  
  
"Yo! MAH HOMBHOYS! YAH WANNAH BE KHOOL?"  
  
~Click~  
  
"Calvin! Want to come to the mall?"  
  
"Sure, mom!"  
  
Calvin turned off the TV set and grabbed his precious tiger, Hobbes. The house had been broken into once, and, although Hobbes wasn't stolen, Calvin didn't want to take his chances.  
  
They drove up to the mall, where Calvin quickly saw "Toys R' We". He squealed with delight as he and Hobbes walked through the aisles. Suddenly, he saw a mob of students, all about his age. He pierced through the crowd, stopping once to talk to Susie, before shoving her into the mob.  
  
"Hello, there." The zit-encrusted teenager said. "You look just like this little boy in the action figures! Have a free copy of it, the tiger, the superhero, the detective, and the spaceman!"  
  
"Thanks..." Calvin said with a phony smile. He left just as Susie forked over her two bits for an action figure.  
  
~Later that day~  
  
We join our valiant hero Spaceman Spiff on the seventh moon of Zartag, as he scouts out the native wildlife. They seem to be associating with each other. However, upon closer investigation, they appear to be made of plastic.  
  
"ENOUGH ALREADY!" Hobbes shouted.  
  
Calvin snapped out of his trance. He picked up the action figure that looked exactly like him as Hobbes was flying his action figure around. If Calvin had watched less cartoons and more sci-fi, he might have thought of The Twilight Zone, but, alas, all he could think of was himself. He wasn't surprised, however, when Susie logged onto AIM.  
  
(SusiesAIM has logged in.)  
  
DarkSSM: yo.  
  
SusiesAIM: hey  
  
SusiesAIM: my action figure can whoop yours butt.  
  
DarkSSM: we'll see.  
  
(SusiesAIM has logged off.)  
  
Five minutes later, Calvin and Susie were dueling. However, to fully comprehend the scale of their battle, we must go to the corporation making these figures.  
  
"Darn it!" Shouted Mr. President. "Why can't we sell anything?"  
  
"Well, sir, maybe if we do parodies on real kids..."  
  
"Sure! We don't have anything to lose."  
  
~Back to the duel!~  
  
"DARN!" Calvin shouted. "He kicked Susie's action figure in the face. Susie's action figure held up a mirror, and Calvin saw what the action figure looked like. "^@%$&@$&&^%*#&!%~!" Calvin shouted.  
  
"We've got to stop this." Susie said calmly.  
  
"No!" Calvin replied. "These are the coolest action figures ever!"  
  
"You can get money from royalties..." Susie began.  
  
"To arms! To arms! Vive le revolution!" Calvin shouted out.  
  
Susie rolled her eyes, then walked home to make a few phone calls.  
  
The first phone call was received by the all-important character, Uncle Max! (Who, may I mention, has more lines in all of our fanfics than Bill Watterson ever gave him.)  
  
"Yello!"  
  
"Hey, Max, this is Susie, Calvin's next door neighbor."  
  
"Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?"  
  
"Did you get the 'Uncle Max' action figure?"  
  
"Yeah." Uncle Max took a minute to create another movement by SuperMax! "So, what's the problem?"  
  
"Did you get any royalties?"  
  
"Now that you mention it, no."  
  
"Well, we're going to protest. Come with us."  
  
A few more phone calls such as the above example were made, and everybody was there, with the obvious exception of Calvin's Alter Egos.  
  
Ms. Wormwood, Uncle Max, and Calvin's Dad drove the team to the offices of Tyrant Toys, Inc. There, Calvin, Susie, and Hobbes secretly formulated a plan.  
  
Five minutes later, Calvin dropped down in the "Stupendous Man frame of mind". Calvin, er, Stupendous Man, glided around with much stealth, as Susie and Hobbes walked around the ventilation. Stupendous Man suddenly opened a vent, and they fell to the ground.  
  
(A/N- I don't own Sonic)  
  
"Very good, Sonic, but you'll never leave this room alive! Ha ha!" Came Dr. Eggman/Dr. Robotnic's voice.  
  
Stupendous Man shot the voice box with eye lasers, then began to think about how to get out. He, Hobbes, and Susie looked around for a secret exit or something. None came.  
  
"The walls are closing in!" shouted Hobbes.  
  
Stupendous Man concurred, and jumped up the walls to the vent they had been in. He tied a rope, and lowered it. Hobbes grabbed it, and successfully climbed up. Susie began her climb, but it was obvious that she wouldn't make it. Stupendous Man dropped down, picked up Susie, and pulled her up into safety.  
  
Susie cried tears of joy as she hugged Stupendous Man. Stupendous Man tried desperately to escape, but it didn't work that way. 


End file.
